Whispers In The Night
by Almandine-Azaleea
Summary: He wants to tell her. He needs to tell her. He has betrayed her so many times but this is by far the worst way to hurt her, and yet it is unavoidable. Forgive me, Kagome... InuyashaKagome


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Inuyasha; it is property of Rumiko Takahashi

* * *

**Whispers in the Night**

* * *

When he reaches for her his movements are shy and unsure, in complete contrast to his usual confident rambunctiousness. He sighs and she thinks she detects a slight tremble in his sturdy frame. He calls out to her in an attempt to appease his own nerves and find the courage to tell her, but it's hard and she understands.He refuses to let her gentle nature excuse his inadequate communication skills, however. He has to tell her. He knows it. 

"Kagome..."

He has betrayed her so many times but this is by far the worst way to hurt her, and yet it is unavoidable. He wants to drop down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, but even as he thinks that he knows she would never accept it, would never allow him to humble himself like that before her, would never allow him to show her how worthless he truly is.

"Kagome..."

How he hates not being able to utter the words! She _needs_ to know. She has given him so much and he has done no more than take, and take, and take, and now he has to do it again. His heart is beating so fast inside him he almost fears it will run right out of him. His palms are getting wetter, while his throat feels like he's just swallowed a pound of sand. Kagome's hands lie lightly on his chest - his only link to reality.

"I..."

He looks down, and her hands come up, gently cupping his face raising it so she can search his eyes. She loves looking into them, reading them, melting into them.

"Inuyasha...don't force yourself."

He smiles bitterly. Always thinking about _him!__His_ well-being. Never herself. He _should_ be forcing himself, because he would be doing it for her.  
He tightens his arms around her and breathes in the soft scent of her hair.

"_Yurushite Kagome...onegai ze_...Forgive me Kagome, please..."

Her eyes open wide and he can feel her heartbeat speeding up. He is worrying her. He curses himself then opens his mouth again for the final confession.  
He squeezes her tighter, trying to remember every single sensation of her body moulding to his.

"Kagome, I need to tell you, before...before this gets any further...you, you give me so much, and I, I don't deserve any of it. I'm just a half-breed, and I can't give you anything and still you stay with me, and you don't know how much that means, Kagome."

He can almost feel the tears that she will cry in a few moments' time; can feel them seeping through his haori, burning into his skin, sinking into his heart.

"Kagome..." he closes his eyes willing to keep the searing tears in check, and only opens them again when he is sure he has. "Kagome...I...I'm not worth you, so...just...don't stay with me. Okay?"

He can hear her heart breaking piece by piece.

"Inuyasha...I don't...understand."

"Go, Kagome! I want you to go...find someone who is worth you, someone better, smarter, stronger who won't hurt you. Someone better than a half-breed."

She chokes emptily, gasping at air.

"Why do you do this? Why can't you understand I don't _want_ anyone else! I don't _need_ anyone else! You are wonderful just the way you are and I don't love you despite you being a half-demon, I love you _because_ of it! It's just who you are, and that's fine with me! Why can't you understand that! You are my heart."

"Kagome...I...I...I can't sire pups."

The silence weighs heavy on his heart. If she _did_ leave him now it would be no more than he deserved.

"Inuyasha." She grasps his face gently and catches his eyes with hers. The emotion in them thrums.

She can see he is expecting rejection, punishment, anger, but all she feels is sadness - for him.

Her arms wrap around his neck and she kisses him gently, over and over.

"It's okay Inuyasha. It's okay." He wants to scream. She is being accepting again; hiding her own feelings of frustration behind a smile and he hates it!

"Why can't you be honest Kagome?! Why can't you tell me the truth! Why can't you just say that you wanted a family and I ruined it?! That I wasn't good enough?! That I failed you and I don't deserve you and that you want to go back?! Why?!! Why do you have to pretend you're okay?! You're not okay! How can you be okay?! I'm worthless, and stupid, and I can't do nothing right and to make it worse I can't even give you a family! Damn it Kagome! Damn it all to hell!"

He watches her expression change from surprise to pain, and it hits him like a rock. That's strange. He can smell tears, but Kagome is not crying.  
A small hand grasps his while the other brushes something from below his eyes and then her lips are on his other cheek.

"You're right Inuyasha. I should be honest. It's true: I wanted a family...two or three children. But it's also true that I want to be with you. I _want_ to be with you, Inuyasha. Always. Regardless. And I am _not_ okay with you thinking so poorly of yourself, and I am absolutely furious that you would think I would leave you!!! But most of all I _hate_ the fact that you've been suffering on your own for so long and that you didn't tell me until now." Her voice almost breaks. "I can only imagine how much you're hurting. And since we're being honest, you wanna know what passed through my mind when you told me?" He flinches. " 'It's okay.' That was all. 'It's okay!' That was _all _!"

"Kagome..." her words are threatening to kill his heart. He is ashamed, because once again she is right.

"I'm..."

"I don't need you to apologise. This changes nothing between us. I still love you. I do."

"Kagome..." Her small hands are cupping his chin softly and guiding him down to her.

"We'll still be a family. Shippo is as much a son to us, as if I had birthed him, and we can adopt if we want more. And anything else that may happen, we'll deal with when we have to. But I'm not leaving you!"

"How can you forgive me like this? I'm just a..."

She kisses him not letting the self-hating words escape his lips. He needs her. He loves her. That is all _she_ needs to know.

"You are my future husband and the man I love."

"Kagome..."

"_Aishiteiru_..." his mouth dries up, his heart skips a beat and his stomach all but drops to the floor.

He is almost tempted to think he has misheard and she hasn't just told him _that - _the word that implies such emotion that he feels he can die from the sheer expanse of it. He knows how much that word is worth-knows that some people only ever say it once in a life time, and some never. He remembers his mother using that word in reference to his father and the glow that lit up her features at that time.  
He knows it is a word of ages, promising in itself eternal devotion, and consecration of all one has and all one is.

"Kagome..." He knows he is harsh, and inept with words, and crude, but she has just offered him the one word that best describes his feelings – the one word that comes closest to saying she is his heart, his soul, his reason for breathing and existing, putting up with all the years of loneliness and anger; and that he would do anything for her happiness. And so he opens his mouth, and for once, he knows exactly what to say:

"_Aishiteiru, Kagome._"

* * *

**Author's Note: **

I know this is a less-aproached topic because of the sheer sensitivity of it, but I think it is well worth exploring. This wasn't written for the fluff, and, indeed, I have been agonizing over this for over a month because I felt it may be perceived as inadequate; however, I think it is important to recognize the effect infertility has on the confidence, and emotions of men, particularly such a one as Inuyasha. His character is often perceived as boisterous and immature, but there is a depth to him that many-a time I see overlooked in fanfiction. The ability to conceive is as much a matter of necessity as it is one of pride, and naturally being unable to do so would be emotionally debilitating for any male; for Inuyasha, I felt, the effects would be keener still because of his lineage, as well as his personality.

This was written to the best of my abilities, and with no intention whatsoever of injuring anyone's feelings, or insulting them.

A great thank you to my reviewers: it is always a pleasure to hear from you, and I am grateful for your taking the time to let me know your thoughts on my stories.

For those of you who follow _Words,_ good news! I shall be putting the epilogue up sometime this week. Thank you all for your patience.

Lastly, a thank you to Neisha, and wishes of a speedy recovery!

Lots of love to everyone!

_Azaleea_

**  
**


End file.
